When lockdown began, I started dancing every morning. You can read more about why I chose to do that in my last blog. Six weeks in, I’m still dancing and I’m learning more and more about how to hold on to happiness when times are hard.
We’re all exhausted, stressed, worried and frustrated. Some mornings, it hardly feels like it’s worth getting out of bed just for the same old groundhog day experience. Other mornings I resent the obligation I’ve created for myself and I drag my feet a little – if you post every day for six weeks, someone is bound to notice if you miss a day. Ultimately, I am glad of that obligation because it has kept me going when nothing else could, but I’d be lying if I didn’t sometimes wake up at six and bitterly regret ever starting.
What I’ve learned so far is that music is a powerful source of healing and happiness. Alongside the great music, there are all the memories that accompany each song and they are all good things to remember – loved ones, concerts, nights out, any time in my life when music and dancing played a part.
I’ve also learned that it is possible to take control of your own mood and that, against all odds, I think I’m rather good at it. As well as the music which lifts my spirits, I’ve been wearing my gym kit each morning when I dance (there is a LOT of leaping about and strutting involved) and I realised that this is another example of how I make myself happy. I hate the gym – I am envious of people who find peace in it but sadly it’s not me. Every single time I attend an exercise class is a triumph of obligation over inclination. What I did quite some time ago to help me enjoy the gym more is to buy myself some fun gym tops that reflect the things I really love. Other than the fact that “proper” gym tops seemed way too expensive a thing to buy just for me to be miserable in, those “just do it” eye of the tiger slogans really piss me off. Instead, I wear nerdy vests that reflect the things I really love and every time I wear them, they make me happy.
Happiness is a nerdy workout vest
I realise this whole project is just a more intense version of what I do in my life anyway. As much as I can, I surround myself with the things I love and I try to do what makes me happy. I let go of feeble attempts to keep up with fashion a long time ago because I always just feel lacking, somehow. I think that’s how fashion is meant to work – you’re told you’re not good enough unless you have the right style and it’s all based on making you feel bad enough that you seek a solution, which they then present to sell to you. Fuck that. I’m happy in my jeans and nerdy t-shirts, they’ve got a lifetime of happy memories attached and I choose that happiness.
The whole “dance like no one is watching” thing is a cliché but there is truth at the heart of it because no one who really matters is ever watching. Imagine how unhappy and small-minded anyone would have to be to spend their time criticising other people when they could be on the dancefloor, it’s not worth allowing even a tiny dent in your joy. The great thing right now is that no one is really watching because we’re all at home, so dance in your kitchen if you want to, sing at the top of your voice even if it comes out flat and out of tune. As the wise Dr Seuss said, those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
One thing I appreciate about what’s happening now is that people are sharing their little fragments of happiness. Recommendations of meditation apps, podcasts, workouts (although I mostly ignore those if they look like too much effort) books, films that cheered them up. Many of my friends have sent me suggestions of songs that have ended up on my playlist. We’re all finding ways to grab small morsels of happiness and then we’re passing those on to help others. I love that.
And one final thing I’ve learned is to finally navigate spotify to the point where I can share my playlist so far. This is a small thing that any small child can do, I know, but as someone who will never let go of her rack of CDs, who still misses the clunk of tapes being placed in an old stereo, it’s something new for me. So if you want to start dancing, here’s the music that has lifted me so far – and if you think this is a terrible playlist and I have awful taste, I honestly couldn’t care less. If you feel that strongly about it, maybe go and make your own. In the meantime, I’ll be up every morning to greet the day with a blast of pure happiness.